Submitting Guidelines   

Hi Everyone,

I am changing the focus of this website. It is now going to focus on aware living flash-memoirs written by women who have lived through difficult challenges and survived. Women are strong, resilient, and powerful goddesses and I want to offer a place for us all to meet. Our lives matter. Our stories matter.

If you want to send me your flash-memoir piece, please make sure it includes the following:

1. what happened,

2. how you coped, and

3. how you overcame.

Here are the requirements I have devised for anyone wishing to have their flash-memoirs posted on this site:

1. you must live in the US, although your experience could have taken place in other countries,

2. your flash-memoir piece should be no more than 500 words, single spaced, arial or calibri font, size 10,

3. your flash-memoir piece should not contain personal phone numbers, addresses, birth dates, last names or any other identifiable information for you or anyone in your piece, except name and state.

4.  you must be over 18,

5. the content can include the following: overcoming life changes, divorce, health, or any other content relevant to the theme of overcoming,

6. no foul or inappropriate language or descriptions, and

7. no intent in the flash-memoir, to shame, harm another, or hurt anyone in anyway will be allowed.

Keep your pen moving,

Jan

Send all flash-memoir pieces to awareliving.jm@gmail.com and write flash-memoir in the subject line. Please allow 3-4 weeks for publication. Thank you.

Disclaimer: This site intends no discrimination because of race, religion, ethnicity, or life-style preferences. I do hold claim to deny the publication of any submittance that does not meet the intention of this site.

 Electromagnetic Frequencies (EMF)

There are three types of frequencies we get exposed to on a daily basis: electric, radio, and wifi. Symptoms from these frequencies involve: hormonal imbalances, headaches, brain fog, nausea, dizziness, sleep interruption, and more. Read articles on the internet about these symptoms. 

The more devices like wifi computers, wifi watches, and smart home products fill our environment, the more these symptoms get reported to me in counseling sessions. All of these products emit serious levels of wifi energy. Clients often think their anxiety from these symptoms mean they have an anxiety disorder. Often, through much questioning, it turns out, they have an overload of EMF disorder. When devices are turned off or not used for a day or two, their symptoms subside. Try it, see if it works for you.

There are products you can but to put in your home and on your body to ward off EMF symptoms. Check out which company on the internet appeals to you, call them and check them out before you buy anything. Ask a homeopathic physician for a recommendation. That's where I got mine.

Please, be safe out there. Just because a device is convenient or entertaining, doesn't mean it is healthy in mind, body, or soul.

Be well,

Jan

 

This isn't just a beautiful flower. It is a little piece of calm, sanity, and tranquility. Stare into the pink, then the yellow, then the two peals laying flat at the bottom. Did your mind wander into chores, or past arguments, or even a disappointment? Then try again. Stare into the pink and take a breath. Look at the lilt in the yellow stamen and close your eyes and bless this day. Did you have the same experience as the first time you stared into the flower?

My point, if you haven't gotten it already is, you can change your momentary reality that will expand into your day if you shift your perspective, your physical experience, and allow yourself to be present. Try it. Do this with people and things around you all day. See how your day has felt by the time you are ready for bed.

Blessings, 

Jan

                                                             How To Tell the Status of Your Food

 

Even healthy food can become unhealthy if sprayed with chemicals or modified genetically. Make sure you check  the labels on all your products. 

What to look for:

organic produce has a 5 digit PLU number that begins with the number 9

conventional produce has a 4 digit PLU number that begins with the number 4

GMO produce has a 5 digit PLU number that begins with the number 8

Choose organic if possible despite the small increase in cost. It will keep you and your  family healthier and freer from toxic chemicals.

Always read your labels. 

Stay healthy,

Jan

 

Each day I like to start my morning with a hot cup of green or Earl Grey tea, my journal, and a prayer of gratefulness for having another day to enjoy.

That simple daily ritual provides me with a gentle ease into my day. Mornings can be rushed for so many of us and for many reasons. Still, we can arrange time to take a minute to have a moment to take a few breaths into gratefulness for the day. Once my morning routing is over, my day begins and it is always a busy one. How do I manage to take at least 20 minutes in the morning just for me? I get up earlier than I normally would. One day I looked at my schedule and made some changes. Do I always have the control of how my mornings work -- a huge no! But, for the most part, having a plan to ease into my mornings works.

Days go so quickly. Are you sure you want to let the demands and commands of jobs, loved ones, and chores take every second of every day? We have to take care of ourselves. When we recognize that our misery often stems from leaving ourselves out of our own lives, we must make some change, somewhere in our day, even if it is only for 20 minutes. Stress comes upon us for good reason. So I suggest you de-stress your mornings and start out liking the beginning of a new day. Try it!

Blessings,

Jan

 Did You Know Writing About Stress Helps?

Stress causes 95% of our visits to general practitioners. Writing about stress gives those clogging emotions and life experiences a place to go: the blank page. Write while you are as connected to the emotion as possible, whether it be suffering, disappointment, frustration, grief, etc. Write stream of consciousness which means write it with no censoring. Do not stop if you misspell a word or forgot to capitalize. Just write. Write fast so the mind can't sensor and keep going until you have said everything you are thinking and feeling. Then drink a glass of water, take a short walk or hot shower and relax. If writing stirs up too much emotion, take a break. Run cool water over your hands, step outside and get a breath of fresh air, then go back and finish writing. Write at least three days in a row. 

I have been writing every day since June 1972 and I see the power of writing out emotions and mental frustrations. People have asked me over the years what they should do with their writing because they are afraid family members will see it. Well, you can shred it, burn it, bury it, save it. You can do whatever you want to with it. Just do it!

Statistics show that people sleep better, reactivate a deadened appetite, and get more energetic when they have allowed themselves to face and acknowledge how they feel and what they think.

Write and be well. Keep your pen moving,

Blessings, Jan

 
Holiday Stress

The Christmas holiday can be stressful. Sometimes it is good stress in that we get excited thinking about getting the right gift for someone we love, have fun weaving through stores to search for it, and then getting home to wrap and place it under the tree. Planning meals for many people, shopping, cooking, cleaning up can be stressful but usually that comes with the intention of pleasing and having a wonderful nourishing meal together with warm memories.

But for a good chunk of families in this country, Christmas and New Year's can be times of negative stress. It brings worry about how family connections or the lack of them will play out. People worry about those with addiction issues and if they will be able to manage through another connection while someone they love is in the middle of using. It doesn't quite matter what the addictive substance is. Those addicted to anything cause distress, anger, fear, worry, and sometimes contribute to violence during times when most people want happy and connecting times. They want warm and touching memories, not those that rip the soul apart.

Addiction is a soul illness. Those suffering with addictions, and yes, they suffer too, always have something in their lives they don't want to face. We all experience trauma, disappointment, loss, grief, anger but not everyone becomes addictive over them. Those that do, clearly need help.

Those who are in early recovery often avoid going back to families where addictions are used by other family members in order not to threaten their sobriety. I encourage them to do so when they have to protect the hard work that goes into facing the pain in their lives while remaining substance free.

This is not an easy time for any family where addiction is an issue. 

If matters get out of control with someone using, leave the situation.

If you are the one trying to be sober and matters get too stressful, leave the situation.

It doesn't matter what side you are on, I wish you the courage to take care of yourself. Without doing that, there is no chance of surviving the holiday season with any opportunity to change the matter from distress to peace.

Blessings,

Jan

 

   Eating Healthy

 

Winter is upon us and that means it is time to snuggle in, keep warm, and protect our immune systems. Although we like to think we eat the best we can and take care of ourselves, for those who keep food diaries, it is easy to see how often we slip from our nurturing and health plans.

Winter is a time for healthy soups and avoiding those who might be infectious due to colds or the flu and these days COVID. Avoid processed foods. Avoid eating out by going to fast food establishments.

Be mindful of the energy it takes to do normal activities in cold weather. With the holidays coming up we are more likely to be put under more stress. Shopping for gifts and associating with family often conjures up increased stress.

Five minutes of sitting peacefully in a quiet setting can do a lot for calming the nervous system and helping the mind refocus on what needs to get done. Often people want to push through their chores. This might not be the best idea. Take five minutes. You can do anything for only a mere five minutes and your nervous system, brain, and immune system will thank you in the end.

Blessings,

Jan

 Hi Everyone,

Our nation is not where we hoped it would be by now. There is still a pandemic in motion, Congress is still bifurcated, relationships are being defined as those for Trump and those against, divisions are everywhere.

I don't know about you but I find this a tense and negative way to live. In fact, we are one country, one nation, one democracy, with one mission, to show the world democracy works and freedom is a plus no matter how you look at it.

We cannot change the world all at once. But I believe, we can change it one person at a time. Practice the kindness you want. Practice the patience, love, acceptance, humility, and generosity you want. We cannot do this any other way. Our culture has been changed. The world does not view us the same anymore. We don't view us the same anymore. We have to get back to our values, our cultural values of hospitality, manners, and respect.

America thrives on conflicting ideas, the belief in God (that is how America got started), and ingenuity. We have freedom. Without it who will you be? Without it what will our country be?

As a psychotherapist who has practiced systems theory with families since 1978 I can tell you that each of us must come back to and redefine the system of freedom and innovation we want to experience in this country. The arguments about whether you like this or that all has space in America. We can embrace it all. We can embrace everyone. That is what America is. It is a melting pot. Together we can create the best, the healthiest, the kindest and the wisest example for the world.

Next time you go out your front door, carry with you the blanket of peace and kindness. It really does help you have a wonderful day.

Blessings,

Jan

 

 

Stare at this picture for a while. I found it so fulfilling that I made it the cover for my book, Never Too Late. And don't we each need inspiration. Life has been like it never has in the last 1.5 years leading many of us astray from what fills us. We have become so busy keeping up with the news, struggling to manage working from home, working from offices and keeping safe, wrestling with children who are in school in their bedrooms or kitchens wondering what they are really doing while we sit at computers, keeping distance from friends and family. There is no mistake, this life has taken a strong toll on all of us. Many have our food delivered to avoid crowds and keep our bodies fed and functioning. Perhaps you bought a Peloton to exercise from home or take yoga on line as well. We struggle to use our minds and wisdom to think through all the controversial debates about masks and vaccines and social distancing. It is enough to make anyone feel nuts.

What about your soul? Do you have time for that too? Do you even realize how much your soul needs soul food during these tough times? There is no doubt that we are mind/body/soul and it is imperative that we manage all three. There will never be a full balance of these needs. Nevertheless, we must take 15 minutes out of our day, somewhere in our busy schedule to feel our souls.

Here is a list of ideas to feed the soul - they do not take a lot of time - I strongly encourage you do at least one a day:

- read a poem, read a passage from the Bible, pray, meditate, walk, stare into a flower and notice its    magnificence, write a poem, watch a funny movie, eat a ripe piece of fruit, read a page in your favorite book, sing your favorite song, listen to classical music -

As you can see, there are many things you can do at home if you still don't feel safe going out. Whatever you decide to do, ask yourself what you need and bring it into your day to help balance out the mind/body/soul triad. Doing things in the above list helps diminish the stress of these times that create PTSD and other stress and anxiety disorders.

Have a blessed day,

Jan

 

 

I know that the last year and a half has been chaotic and frightening. Before I go on, study this photo, take a deep breath, and relax your nervous system.

One of the issues presented to me hour after hour in my psychotherapy practice was the fear of having additional anxiety added to our normal lives that COVID and its messiness brought to our lives. Let me say this about the appropriateness to the anxiety we have all felt. This anxiety has been a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Okay, read that again and then a third time.

My point: although the anxiety is unpleasant not feeling high anxiety to all COVID did to our lives, nations, and the world, would have been inappropriate. There is no way anyone could have gone through the last year and a half and not felt acute anxious. I don't care who you are.

Hopefully, that will ease your mind a little. Here is a list of things to help you assimilate and work through some of this anxiety:

1. Write about the elements in your anxiety such as fear of death, loss of job, loss of family, loss of personal control. This anxiety was riddled with fears about many things and still is.

2. Sit in nature and have some quiet time. I know being quiet is tough for many of you but it is imperative that you give your nervous system some relief from the craziness of it all.

3. Eat simple and calming foods: cooked veggies, rice, baked potatoes. No hot spicy foods, no heavy cheesy foods and yes Baked Ziti is my comfort food but I don't eat it when I need to help by body.

4. Drink water and lots of it.

5. Get a message or acupuncture.

6. Walk - keep your body moving. I recommend your walk be a stroll. This is not the time to push your stressed out body.

7.  Pray, meditate - get into your soul and be there -- simply be there.

Know that you are doing your best suffering through the unimaginable. Practice the above items on a daily basis and visualize a white light of hope. Our nation, and you in your own life, have gone through many challenges in the past. You and me and all of us will get through this too. But we will do it together. What one heart cannot handle alone, a million hearts can handle together.  

Blessings,

Jan

Choosing a Therapist

I do not know how many people are currently searching for a therapist, but being one, I know that the process is not easy, especially if you have never been in therapy before.

When prospective clients call me they want to know everything about me. Where did I go to school? What therapy do I practice? What is my experience? What clients do I like working with the best? The questions are endless.

These questions might be interesting to chat about at a cocktail party when two people are trying to get to know each other but if you are in pain in your life, knowing everything about me does not help you. What will help you to find the therapist who can help you is to ask them one question: Do you treat ______________ and then mention your situation.

In other words, the question would be something like this:

Do you treat gay men just coming out?
Do you treat couples suffering from infidelity?
Do you work with individuals needing to find more passion in life?
Do you work with clients grieving from the loss of a parent?

See how specific that is?

Clients ask me all the time whether I would be willing to work with them using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy skills. Well -- okay -- sure. But when I tell them I haven't seen them yet so I do not give treatment before the problem -- they get frustrated. Someone told them they need CBT and so that is what they want.

No mental or medical health practitioner should ever treat before a diagnosis. It makes no sense. How could I tell you that I like your soup, if I haven't tasted it?

So, my best tip for anyone looking for a therapist is: define your problem into one sentence and know what you want. For example,

I don't know how to communicate with my weed-smoking 16 year-old daughter. I want a therapist who can help me with a parent/teen problem around drugs and communication.

Sometimes screening a therapist can take many phone calls to many therapists but it will be worth it when you find someone who can work with your issue, no matter what school they went to.

Blessings,
Jan Marquart LCSW
www.JanMarquart.com
www.JanMarquartLCSW.wordpress.com

New Relationships

Are you in the 'market' for a new relationship? Well you can't go and buy one like you do a blouse at your favorite store. Do you act as if that is what you are doing when you select someone to date? Most of us buy clothes with more discernment than we start a relationship. For instance, do you take the time to find out who he or she really is before you take off your clothes or spill out your entire life in one sitting? It isn't as easy as taking home that perfect blouse.

Relationships, contrary to the quick click computer life we seem to be living these days, takes time. Time! I understand that the beginning of a relationships can be anxiety provoking and make you feel uncomfortable and self-conscious and the eagerness to 'get started' can override slowing things down. Rushing can seem easier than allowing yourself to feel your emotions but you need these emotions. They are normal and may be important warning signs.

Slow down, take your time, ask the difficult questions, meet his or her friends/family. Learn how others interact with him/her and how she/he interacts with them. What kind of activities do you do with this person? Will this person do the activities you like too? Do you just 'hang out' when you really want to 'go out'?

If you are choosing a mate for the rest of your life, isn't the rest of your life worth a good slow start to making sure this is the right person? Find out how this person resolves problems or does he/she just ruminate on the problem then dump it in your lap? What happens when this person gets angry? Depressed? Anxious? How does this person handle money? Are they neat or a total slob not caring about her/his environment?

Relationships are complicated and complex. Take your time. Be authentic. Don't try to make yourself someone you are not. Are you willing to not be yourself at any price?

Before having sex make sure to ask if your new partner has any STDs. How often do they have unprotected sex. If they don't want you to use protection does that mean he/she is willing to become a parent?

Ask the difficult questions. Remember, one date can turn into a nightmare or a really great start to forever.

Blessings,

Jan

Solitude

How many times you have made yourself busy just to avoid being alone? How many times have you engaged in activities you didn't like because you feared facing a Saturday night without a date or social activity?

Do you understand what you are really afraid of? Do you understand what you would be feeling about yourself or what emotion would take over if you allowed yourself to sit by yourself? Being alone and sitting in solitude are not the same thing. In aloneness you feel the absence of another, in solitude you feel the presence of yourself.

These alone moments are important in order to develop self-understanding, wisdom, values, and interests that can take you deeper into activities. They teach personal strength and help you stretch your identity. These moments build the self. They encourage hobbies and new paths for your life.

I hear too many people afraid of themselves in alone moments. They get anxious or depressed. They can't sit still without having a panic attack. They say they don't like themselves yet they do nothing to learn how much they can like themselves if they spent time staying in touch with who they really are - not what they compare themselves to when they look into the world.

People want to feel better about themselves but do nothing to learn the process of how to do that. Sit in stillness. Pay attention to what makes you happy, what doesn't, what you would like to do and what you would like to stop doing. Feel the life inside you. Try something new. Develop some interests. Learn to like yourself and what you would like in your future, then -- go there.

Blessings,

Jan

Every Day

A as a psychotherapist, the work I do gets misunderstood all the time. People have commented to me about how they could never do the work I do. They ask me how I could listen to problems all day long. Coming from their perspective, I can understand why they have the opinion that they do.

I do not see my work as listening to problems for that is not what clients bring to my office. Are they suffering? Yes! Do they want to tell their narrative of their suffering? Yes! But what they truly bring to me despite all that talk of their pain is the hope and faith that there is a way to turn things around. I have had only a few clients in 40 years that just liked to complain. I quickly sent them to someone else. Listening to their gossip and becoming an accomplish in their victimhood is not my job.

Most people want to know how to live better. They want the suffering to stop. They want to enjoy the rising sun, feel loved, enjoy the food they eat, know they are worth taking care of.

Start every day with a poem and a prayer. Watch your self-talk. Write out what you want to think and do for yourself. Talk to the people in your life about what you want to change, not just what you don't like. Go from there!

Wishing you the light of the stars and the warmth of the sun.

Jan Marquart LCSW, Author

Take Ten

How many times do you put effort into making something happen but when it doesn't you try a little harder? How many times do you think, just one more effort, just ten more minutes, just a little more, just a little more effort? Sometimes a little more effort works so we think this is always the best path, right? A little more effort might work when you are trying to pull up something heavy out of the washing machine versus needling someone to do what you want them to do.

And I am not talking about finishing a college course in which you have to push to the defined end to get accomplished in something. I am speaking to something you want to happen that is probably not fully in your control that you push and push thinking you can make something happen that clearly you aren't able to bring to fruition with force, nagging, bartering, crying or the like. Stop! Take ten minutes.

Walk around the block, walk around the living room, walk around your desk. Take ten.

Rest is important. Realize this lack of success is not your failure, it is a message that you are not fully in control or isn't meant to be. I understand that letting go might feel like you have given up. What's wrong with that if you realize your efforts are being wasted and not producing the desired results? Implementing your wisdom is a good thing. Take ten. Take another ten if you have to and rethink the matter. If you hear that little voice in your head said all your efforts are not worth it, then let it go. If you can't seem to let it go forever, let it go for now. Take ten!


Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com
www.CanYouFindMyLove.com

Write Your Way to Sleep

Want a good night sleep and awake refreshed? Try this. Before you turn out the lights write out a list of situations in your life for which you are grateful and appreciative.

This writing exercise will put you in a positive and relaxed state of mind and allow your nervous system to relax. You are now in a much better state to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Focusing on problems when you climb into bed is not a good state of mind and tenses your nervous system. Remember, if you give your mind a problem, it will stay up to try and help you resolve it. That's what our mind does: it solves problems.

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.AwareLivingNow.blogspot.com
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com

Protecting All Life

In the 70s people protested against the increased use of plastic because it was being dumped into the oceans. And now we have a serious problem with plastic in our oceans.

We must remember that to save our planet there must be a higher purpose to whether we use these products or not. A few states are going to reverse the plastic bag use at the supermarket. Please do not use these bags. Please use reusable bags. Use the kind of bags you can throw in the washing machine  so if juices spill on them they can be properly cleaned.

Please be aware of what using plastic bags does to the oceans. For those of you who like to eat fish, it impacts fish. For those of you who like to swim and enjoy the water you will be swimming with plastic all around you. Just because you don't see a plastic bag float by does not mean it hasn't decomposed and its fibers are floating right next to you.

Please be aware of how we take care of our world. The products we use and toss in the garbage have to go somewhere and will have an impact on our ocean, air and water.

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.AwareLivingNow.blogspot.com
www.CanYouFindMyLove.com

Can't Sleep?

The brain resolves problems. If you have a problem on which your thoughts are focused, your mind will be actively put to work. We can call that worry, perseverating, obsessing and other diminutive words.  But if you realize that all that unsettling is really your mind trying to resolve the problem for you, wouldn't you think differently? Your mind is doing exactly what you want it to do, fix things.

Try this. When you can't sleep because your mind will not let go of a problem, get a pen and pad and write out the problem. Then write three to five possible solutions to that problem. Don't rule out every solution because of some minor detail. Write it anyway. Then write a few sentences for each solution about how possible it is. Write out all the fears and reliefs in each solution.

Finally, choose one solution you will be willing to start the next day.

Sit quietly for five minutes knowing you are on the way to have your problem resolved. Now turn out the light and slip into sleep.

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com

Inner and Outer Agreement

We all know people who put up one face when they are in the presence of friends and another when they are alone or finally confiding to a trusted friend. Isn't that what suicide is about? We didn't see the signs, we weren't aware our friend needed help, we thought they were happy. Then when day we get the call that gives us the horrific news.

It is not just those suicidal who give the world the wrong message about who they are. Everyone does it? How do you do it? What are you afraid people will find out about you? How do you want to be more authentic in who you are?

These existential questions are important not just to be authentic to the world but to be authentic with yourselves. How many of you are burning with things to say or teach or reveal? What would happen if you became the person you know yourself to be? What would happen if you stood up, with shaking courage, to those you disagree with?

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.co
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com