Holiday Stress

The Christmas holiday can be stressful. Sometimes it is good stress in that we get excited thinking about getting the right gift for someone we love, have fun weaving through stores to search for it, and then getting home to wrap and place it under the tree. Planning meals for many people, shopping, cooking, cleaning up can be stressful but usually that comes with the intention of pleasing and having a wonderful nourishing meal together with warm memories.

But for a good chunk of families in this country, Christmas and New Year's can be times of negative stress. It brings worry about how family connections or the lack of them will play out. People worry about those with addiction issues and if they will be able to manage through another connection while someone they love is in the middle of using. It doesn't quite matter what the addictive substance is. Those addicted to anything cause distress, anger, fear, worry, and sometimes contribute to violence during times when most people want happy and connecting times. They want warm and touching memories, not those that rip the soul apart.

Addiction is a soul illness. Those suffering with addictions, and yes, they suffer too, always have something in their lives they don't want to face. We all experience trauma, disappointment, loss, grief, anger but not everyone becomes addictive over them. Those that do, clearly need help.

Those who are in early recovery often avoid going back to families where addictions are used by other family members in order not to threaten their sobriety. I encourage them to do so when they have to protect the hard work that goes into facing the pain in their lives while remaining substance free.

This is not an easy time for any family where addiction is an issue. 

If matters get out of control with someone using, leave the situation.

If you are the one trying to be sober and matters get too stressful, leave the situation.

It doesn't matter what side you are on, I wish you the courage to take care of yourself. Without doing that, there is no chance of surviving the holiday season with any opportunity to change the matter from distress to peace.

Blessings,

Jan

 

   Eating Healthy

 

Winter is upon us and that means it is time to snuggle in, keep warm, and protect our immune systems. Although we like to think we eat the best we can and take care of ourselves, for those who keep food diaries, it is easy to see how often we slip from our nurturing and health plans.

Winter is a time for healthy soups and avoiding those who might be infectious due to colds or the flu and these days COVID. Avoid processed foods. Avoid eating out by going to fast food establishments.

Be mindful of the energy it takes to do normal activities in cold weather. With the holidays coming up we are more likely to be put under more stress. Shopping for gifts and associating with family often conjures up increased stress.

Five minutes of sitting peacefully in a quiet setting can do a lot for calming the nervous system and helping the mind refocus on what needs to get done. Often people want to push through their chores. This might not be the best idea. Take five minutes. You can do anything for only a mere five minutes and your nervous system, brain, and immune system will thank you in the end.

Blessings,

Jan

 Hi Everyone,

Our nation is not where we hoped it would be by now. There is still a pandemic in motion, Congress is still bifurcated, relationships are being defined as those for Trump and those against, divisions are everywhere.

I don't know about you but I find this a tense and negative way to live. In fact, we are one country, one nation, one democracy, with one mission, to show the world democracy works and freedom is a plus no matter how you look at it.

We cannot change the world all at once. But I believe, we can change it one person at a time. Practice the kindness you want. Practice the patience, love, acceptance, humility, and generosity you want. We cannot do this any other way. Our culture has been changed. The world does not view us the same anymore. We don't view us the same anymore. We have to get back to our values, our cultural values of hospitality, manners, and respect.

America thrives on conflicting ideas, the belief in God (that is how America got started), and ingenuity. We have freedom. Without it who will you be? Without it what will our country be?

As a psychotherapist who has practiced systems theory with families since 1978 I can tell you that each of us must come back to and redefine the system of freedom and innovation we want to experience in this country. The arguments about whether you like this or that all has space in America. We can embrace it all. We can embrace everyone. That is what America is. It is a melting pot. Together we can create the best, the healthiest, the kindest and the wisest example for the world.

Next time you go out your front door, carry with you the blanket of peace and kindness. It really does help you have a wonderful day.

Blessings,

Jan

 

 

Stare at this picture for a while. I found it so fulfilling that I made it the cover for my book, Never Too Late. And don't we each need inspiration. Life has been like it never has in the last 1.5 years leading many of us astray from what fills us. We have become so busy keeping up with the news, struggling to manage working from home, working from offices and keeping safe, wrestling with children who are in school in their bedrooms or kitchens wondering what they are really doing while we sit at computers, keeping distance from friends and family. There is no mistake, this life has taken a strong toll on all of us. Many have our food delivered to avoid crowds and keep our bodies fed and functioning. Perhaps you bought a Peloton to exercise from home or take yoga on line as well. We struggle to use our minds and wisdom to think through all the controversial debates about masks and vaccines and social distancing. It is enough to make anyone feel nuts.

What about your soul? Do you have time for that too? Do you even realize how much your soul needs soul food during these tough times? There is no doubt that we are mind/body/soul and it is imperative that we manage all three. There will never be a full balance of these needs. Nevertheless, we must take 15 minutes out of our day, somewhere in our busy schedule to feel our souls.

Here is a list of ideas to feed the soul - they do not take a lot of time - I strongly encourage you do at least one a day:

- read a poem, read a passage from the Bible, pray, meditate, walk, stare into a flower and notice its    magnificence, write a poem, watch a funny movie, eat a ripe piece of fruit, read a page in your favorite book, sing your favorite song, listen to classical music -

As you can see, there are many things you can do at home if you still don't feel safe going out. Whatever you decide to do, ask yourself what you need and bring it into your day to help balance out the mind/body/soul triad. Doing things in the above list helps diminish the stress of these times that create PTSD and other stress and anxiety disorders.

Have a blessed day,

Jan

 

 

I know that the last year and a half has been chaotic and frightening. Before I go on, study this photo, take a deep breath, and relax your nervous system.

One of the issues presented to me hour after hour in my psychotherapy practice was the fear of having additional anxiety added to our normal lives that COVID and its messiness brought to our lives. Let me say this about the appropriateness to the anxiety we have all felt. This anxiety has been a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Okay, read that again and then a third time.

My point: although the anxiety is unpleasant not feeling high anxiety to all COVID did to our lives, nations, and the world, would have been inappropriate. There is no way anyone could have gone through the last year and a half and not felt acute anxious. I don't care who you are.

Hopefully, that will ease your mind a little. Here is a list of things to help you assimilate and work through some of this anxiety:

1. Write about the elements in your anxiety such as fear of death, loss of job, loss of family, loss of personal control. This anxiety was riddled with fears about many things and still is.

2. Sit in nature and have some quiet time. I know being quiet is tough for many of you but it is imperative that you give your nervous system some relief from the craziness of it all.

3. Eat simple and calming foods: cooked veggies, rice, baked potatoes. No hot spicy foods, no heavy cheesy foods and yes Baked Ziti is my comfort food but I don't eat it when I need to help by body.

4. Drink water and lots of it.

5. Get a message or acupuncture.

6. Walk - keep your body moving. I recommend your walk be a stroll. This is not the time to push your stressed out body.

7.  Pray, meditate - get into your soul and be there -- simply be there.

Know that you are doing your best suffering through the unimaginable. Practice the above items on a daily basis and visualize a white light of hope. Our nation, and you in your own life, have gone through many challenges in the past. You and me and all of us will get through this too. But we will do it together. What one heart cannot handle alone, a million hearts can handle together.  

Blessings,

Jan