Just Saying . . .

The other day a man told me he was about to get a divorce. The sadness in his eyes cut through me. I felt his pain. I saw the inner destruction this man was experiencing. It was quite distressing to watch someone in the midst of his pain. He had given up all friends who weren't married because as part of a couple, they wanted couple friends. Like likes like, right? He stated feeling alone, had no one to call in the middle of the night, asked what was he going to do now? One by one, his friends were informing him that they were getting divorced too. He looked like a broken man. His world all around was collapsing.

Recently, another man about to get a divorce also mentioned that in every group of friends he had divorce was ravaging marriages like a disease, "except one," he stated with curiosity. "This one group in which no one talks about marital problems let alone divorce is a group that goes to church. Hmmmm," he commented. "Do you think religion has something to do with it? Do you think it has something to do with guilt?"

"No," I said. "When people have a strong spiritual belief in common it is the glue that holds them together."

"Hmmmmm," he said again.

Ever heard the saying: Couples who pray together stay together? Love, commitment, devotion, these are soul endeavors.

Just saying . . .

Comparing Yourself to Others

One of the things I find a complete waste of time is comparing myself to others. Think about the emotional poison envy or jealousy puts inside you.

When I was a young girl I had someone I loved resent me because she was jealous about me in some way. She turned sour towards me but most of all she had changed to a person I couldn't even like in that moment. I still loved her but I didn't like who she turned into when she was jealous.

I decided at twelve that I would always be happy for others so I wouldn't turn sour and change who I wanted myself to be. I'm sure you have made your own pacts about how you wanted to grow as a  person.

For those of you who allow yourself to be jealous of others I want you to know that jealousy poisons our bodies with energy that can make us sick. I'm sure you feel sick when you feel jealous. If you don't think so, the next time you feel jealous, focus on your stomach. I bet anything you feel sick to your stomach.

Here is a tip: be glad for people when they have what you don't have or want you want to have. It is okay. You can probably have that too if you work for it. Even if it is something you can't work for, be glad for people. Your goodness doesn't change just because someone has something you don't.

Bless others. It is a sure way you will be blessed too.

Jan

Cell Phones

Cell phones are in the hands of people everywhere, right now, whether they are crossing the street, pushing their carts in grocery stores, driving, wheeling baby carriages, eating in restaurants, and so more.

In the last couple of years cell phone issues have been brought up in therapy sessions as much as or more often than in-law problems, job issues, or stress. It is astounding how often I am faced with the dilemma of relationships disconnected because of the addictive use of a cell phone by a loved one.

Cell phone addictions are becoming a common problem. Designers of cell phones make sure they increase the likelihood that consumers will pick up their phones for everything making this a major factor in addiction issues. Have consumers truly lost their ability to use critical judgment over devices running their lives?

Now let's talk about health. Have often have you cleaned your cell phone. Do you know that cell phones carry all types of bacteria? Men who carry cell phones in the pocket of their pants are increasing their risk for prostate cancer. Women are raising their risk of breast cancer and memory issues are starting to be linked to cell phone use as well.

The rate of pedestrians being hit by cars as they cross the street has significantly increased and one factor for this is that people talk on the phone while crossing the street and fail to pay attention to cars turning over the crosswalk.

Women who are on their cell phones while walking to their cars with packages are more likely to have their purse ripped from their hands or in many cases pulled into cars and assaulted because they are not alert and paying attention.

I know I am not winning any friends by suggesting that cell phone users put their phones down, or don't use them at certain times, but please, pay attention to what is happening with the prevalent use, overuse, and abuse of these seemingly handy devices.

Be safe,

Jan

The Physics of Emotions

There are two things we do with a pain in the neck: 1. we take an aspirin, and/or 2. we divorce him. That being said, I want to talk about the physics of emotions and what that means. Stress involves our emotions. Physical pain involves our emotions. If you have emotions that you want to push away, you just can't do it. Medication can temporarily help like an aspirin.You can suppress an emotion, numb it out, and even disconnect from it but you cannot get rid of it because emotions have energy that cannot be destroyed. It is the physics of our emotions that are so powerful. Energy that gets transformed but cannot be eradicated. Emotions are essential to our humanity and cannot be destroyed.
As a psychotherapist I work with people every day who do not understand the value of emotions whether we like them or not. Emotions are our messengers. They tell us something about how we are experiencing our life. Emotions not only matter, they are essential to our self-growth, authentic self, and wisdom.
The next time you have a feeling focus on why you have that feeling, what it means that the feeling has emerged, and what that feeling needs in order to be appeased.
The content of this blog is for the purpose of stretching out my thoughts for my next book. Please do not take anything from this blog for your own purposes.
Until next time,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.CanYouFindMyLove.com

Who Are We?

Our experiences make us who we are, right? Well, not exactly. It isn't just our experiences that make us who we are, it is also what we learn from those experiences, the decisions we make because of them, the actions we take, the perspective we put them in, and the way we transform them.When I counsel my psychotherapy clients I find that more than expected are suffering, in some way, from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Children raised in families with alcoholism, sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect, and verbal abuse find that as adults they struggle to have the life they want because they are suffering from PTSD. It isn't just veterans from war who suffer with this psychological issue.

On this topic, I just received an amazing and powerful book by Linda J. Schupp, Ph.D. titled, Assessing and Treating Trauma & PTSD, second edition. I read Linda's first edition and I was so pleased to find a book that supported what I had been seeing with my clients for three decades.Now her second book has added so much more help for clinicians and the non-clinician and what I love most is that this is not a book just for clinicians. Anyone can read, understand, and make use of this book for his/her life.

To order Assessing and Treating Trauma & PTSD, second edition, go to: http://www.amazon.com/Assessing-Treating-Trauma-Linda-Schupp/dp/1559570091/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1428948167&sr=8-2&keywords=Linda+Schupp

To support my colleague Linda Schupp and this fabulous and well-needed book, please add a review on Amazon, Barnes & Nobles, iTunes, and wherever else you find it.

Keep the pen moving!
Jan

Is Fear Running Your Life?

Fear rears its ugly head in so many places and it is accelerating due to acts of terrorism across the world. Should we be afraid of much of what we see humans being are capable of? Yes. There are many levels of fear and don't get me wrong, fear is a valuable way to monitor our environment. We have emotions for a reason and we need to honor that reason - but let's put things into perspective.

Look at simple decisions, for example, that you make at the grocery store. There are products out there on grocery shelves that are toxic. They poison the air you breathe. They poison clothing and furniture. They excite allergies. They excite emotional and hormonal disturbances.

Fear. Every marketing person knows that if you want to sell something excite fear in the person for not having your product. That line of reasoning sells products. Think about it. Commercials on TV set you up to be fearful that someone will walk into your house and turn up their noses at a smell, which most homes do not have, by the way. When was the last time you left a bucket of stinky fish sitting on your living room table or garbage spread out on your floor? Most people live in clean homes. They take out the garbage. They wash their clothes. They open windows. Fearing what others think can be irrational and makes you a target for being victimized.

Big companies spend millions of dollars researching how they can sell more. The result is that if they can excite the consumer to be anxious and fearful that something awful will happen if they don't buy their product, they organize their marketing strategy around that. They want you to be eager to buy their product to resolve a problem -- a problem you don't have. Buy products with fragrances, food with preservatives and just wait to see what kinds of problems you develop by smelling and eating toxins. Solutions come in natural and non-toxic ways too. Chemical companies how strong and powerful lobbyists. There is a huge amount of money behind what they can put on the shelves and legislation is not active in stopping it. There hasn't been regulations about the production and sale of harmful chemicals since 1976. And the power is in our hands. Stop buying and the companies will rethink what we want.

The next time you shop - buy organic foods. Eliminating pesticides, aspertame, and other chemicals from the foods you ingest will help your body and mental capacity.

Buy one organic product a month and within a six month period your home will be less polluted. Laundry detergents are a source of allergies and other physical symptoms. That 'smell good smell' is a combination of toxins to trick you into believing if it smells good it must be good. Wrong!

This change of lifestyle will not only help you and your family but the planet as well. People complain about big companies. They fail to see that we, the people, have the power and that power is the dollar. Spend it wisely, change the world, help the planet.

Until next time,
Jan

When Stressful Symptoms Won't Go Away!

Haunting and annoying symptoms of stress can persist for years and cause disruption in relationships, work, and health. Primary care physicians report that 95% of their caseload is due to individuals not knowing what to do with their stress and become prime victims for medication. Medication certainly has it usefulness but there are other ways to deal with stress.

For those with haunting symptoms such as nightmares, panic attacks, social fears, exploding anger for seemingly no reason, relationship issues that won't get resolved, a strong need to isolate, a stronger need to keep calm at all costs, substance abuse, these might be signs that this is not ordinary stress but stress that involves symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress.

Normal stress can be relaxed from a walk in the park, yoga, a hot bath but more intense symptoms need deeper healing. A course I have developed: Unveil the Wounded Self - Write to Heal is having stunning healing effects with my psychotherapy clients, writing students, and those who heard about me through word-of-mouth. I teach this 6-week course both on-line and in-person. The course involves two to five pages of writing a week. Some clients do more and some less. The amount of writing isn't the issue; the focus of the writing is the point.

Go to: www.JanMarquart.com and click on the link for Unveil the Wounded Self - Write to Heal link in the column on the right. http://janmarquart.com/wordpress/?page_id=622

Please don't suffer any longer. Take this course.
Jan Marquart, LCSW, CAS, author of 11 books.
jan_marquart@yahoo.com