The Many Relationships of a Relationship

If you need your romantic relationship to always be a romantic relationship, chances are you will have many arguments. No romantic relationship can ever be romantic all the time. Such expectation isn't realistic no matter how much you love, adore, or cherish the person. Here are some levels that couples share in an effective relationship.

Romantic
This is a heart-thumping, blushing, sexually inspiring level that joins two people into a mutual belief that one has met his/her soul-mate. Everything feels 'right.' Your world looks and feels brighter. Your life takes on a higher purpose and meaning when you feel 'in love,' small hassles seem like nothing worth spending time over, and you have more energy than you ever thought possible. Your mind will be preoccupied with the other person and everything in life suddenly feels good and wonderful. Unfortunately the romantic stage can be temperamental and any sign that the romance is falling into reality can threaten the belief that one is truly loved.

Friendship
This is a bond that cannot be broken. No matter what you do you always make sure the other person is considered and cared for. If you are left alone for a day it doesn't matter because you want the other person to be happy. Not being with your significant other every minute is not a personal assault on whether you are important in their life or not. You don't need to do everything they do and they don't need to join you in everything you do. This is a solid foundation upon which to build a true love relationship. If, however, you are only friends without romance the relationship can feel dull.

Spiritual
This is a belief system that keeps two people working on the bigger picture of their relationship together. There is faith in the other person, perhaps a higher power also, be it God or some other philosophical system, and this system pervades why you do everything with and for the other person. Every relationship involves a belief system to keep it going. Problem comes into play when the belief systems differ for each person, especially when raising children or spending money.

Partner
It is amazing how many couples do not realize that a long-term relationship involves a partnership. Partners need to trust each other, count on each other, be there for the other person. Partners need to make the important decisions with the other person and hold themselves fully accountable for their 100% of the commitment because there is a commitment. Anyone who is not willing to make a 100% commitment should never be considered a partner.

Emotional
This level brings the deepest part of intimacy no matter what the nature of the relationship. To have trust enough to share emotions and know that you are safe is a remarkable and powerful way to evince love and kindness. Unfortunately, this level can take decades to build or re-build depending on what pain and experiences one brings to the relationship.

Sexual
Personal relationships need a healthy sex life to help bring intimacy, trust, caring, and a uniqueness to the relationship.A long-lasting relationship needs far more than this level alone or couples burn out and become uninterested. Good sex is only that: good sex.

What percentage of these levels does your relationship have?
Jan Marquart LCSW
counseling couples and families since 1979

How to Not Let Chronic Illness Control You!

Anyone suffering repeated and persistent symptoms of chronic illness knows how much control you can lose over your days. No one truly understands the consuming nature of a chronic illness unless you suffer it yourself. Imagine a bad case of the flu repeating every ten days for the rest of your life or migraine headaches haunting you three times a month. Just the thought of it can be overwhelming, right?

Here are some tips to help with the negative effects these symptoms can have on your moods, relationships, and desire to keep living well:
1. write for 20 minutes a day about how you feel,
2. eat at least one meal of nothing but vegetables to supply the vitamins you need,
3. take Vitamin C to replenish this vital vitamin as it gets eaten up from the stress of illness,
4. have an affirmation that speaks to the well part of your body such as, I am well, I am well, I am well,
5. watch your thoughts because 87% of our self-talk is negative and chronic illness tends to increase these,
6. talk to a therapist about your stress, and
7. sit in nature once a day even if it means you sit near a plant for an hour each morning.

Chronic illness can close in on your thoughts and create havoc with your moods. Our bodies are designed to heal but they need our help. Start with your thoughts then work into your diet, environment, exercise, and making your bedroom uncluttered and comfortable. Get at least eight hours a night of sleep because our bodies heal most when we are resting.

Jan Marquart LCSW, www.janmarquartlcsw.wordpress.com
author of Write to Heal and other books that can be found on www.JanMarquart.com

Is Your Spouse Having an Affair?

Affairs are a destructive force in a marriage. When a spouse has an affair it usually has nothing to do with loving the person outside the marriage. Cheating is a symptom that something is wrong in the marriage or in the person's individual life and although an affair might seem a good way to resolve it, it isn't. Affairs don't fix anything!

Stopping the affair is critical to start the healing process both for the injured spouse as well as for the marriage. This process can take years to heal, with therapy. The wound of betrayal cuts deep, and the spouse who cheated must remember that just because he/she has stopped the affair, it does not mean that the pain is over for the injured spouse. In fact, the pain might get worst for a while. The injured spouse will not be able to simply trust again that, 1. the affair is actually over, 2. if his/her spouse will not cheat again, or 3. if the marriage can be repaired. It only takes one minute to break trust but years to heal it.

If you feel attracted to a person other than your spouse, get help. Call a therapist and talk about the underlying issues for wanting to step outside your commitment. An affair is like suicide: it is a long term painful solution to a short term solvable problem.

Jan Marquart LCSW
www.janmarquartlcsw.wordpress.com

Most People Haven't Heard of Them!

Most people haven't heard of them but you are most likely sick in some way because of them. This link speaks to California, http://www.stopsprayingcalifornia.com/What_are_they_Spraying.php, but chem sprayings are happening everywhere. I live in the middle of the country and they have been spraying almost every day since Thanksgiving. People are getting sick and flooding the offices of their naturopaths because the traditional medical profession doesn't know what to do with sick people from chem trails, assuming they even know about them.

What to do if you are having symptoms. 
Symptoms are many but include headaches, nausea, flu-like symptoms, dizziness, and just about any other toxic reaction you can think of. This is serious. Skin problems abound due to the filaments added to these chem trails. Think I'm kidding? Try this. Take a mouthful of red table wine or Corcord grape juice and swish it around your mouth for about 2 minutes. Then spit it into a clean sink. What do you see? You will be shocked, as I was.

There are foods you can take to help detox such as apples, carrots, cabbage, grapes, bananas, chlorella, cilantro, and wheatgrass. Also take hot baths with Epsom Salts and if you want to coat yourself down with Bentonite Clay before stepping into a hot bath, that will help. Also the homeopathic remedy BioPlasma is wonderful as is ChemTrails, also a homeopathic remedy by Physica. Sonne 7 or 9 is a great bentonite clay to take internally. But nothing will fully work as long as we are breathing in the toxic and dangerous chemicals listed in the link above. Please read it.

Sign petitions -- it might be the only way to get NASA from spraying, although until enough of us protest, nothing will change.
Jan

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never harm me. If you have lived through childhood you know that that sentence is not true. You know that because someone, at some point in your life, has hurt you with their words. Why is this? Because words have energetic power. Words are our language. They came about to express the energy we hold inside our bodies to communicate our experiences, needs, feelings, beliefs, and sensations. Words are our way to communicate this rich source of everyday living. That is their very purpose. Without that purpose, words have no power. One word put together with another word and then a longer series of words, tell stories. If harmful words do not hurt us it is because we have mentally arranged our thinking to not engage in their harmful power, but every living being knows that that process is not easy -- that's how we hope to behave after we have already been hurt. It is at that point that we begin to employ coping skills, right?

Language is treated like anything else that is familiar, and that is that we forget their power. We often speak without the moment to moment mindfulness that the words we say are powerful and have an effect on the listener. Now imagine, if you will, that you are going inside your life content to find the right words to speak  to what ails you, what has remained dormant-as in a secret, lay in suppressed dreams, reveal feelings of love, and describe the uniqueness of what you have lived through. All of life owns a powerful energy that can heal you, and if shared, can teach others.

This is the power of story. Write it - speak it - share it - heal yourself - heal others. Post your story on www.AboutTheAuthorNetwork.com under the appropriate heading on the menu bar. Then, enjoy being published and having shared your personal powerful story!
Keep the pen moving,
Jan
CEO and Founder of About the Author Network

Writing Is a Great Healing Tool!

Although I write on issues for physical health on this site, I would like to post another passion of mine which is the use of writing for healing. Listen to this U-Tube video I just produced to introduce you to how writing and healing has worked in my life. But not just mine, it also has worked in dozens of lives of clients and for women around the world I have taught on Story Circle Network, an online writing course for women.

http://youtu.be/hJ6osf_vdT4

Today we have toxins of all types in everything we ingest and everything we buy. Why not detox our emotions and minds so we can be able to think clearly? My goal is to support health and wellness. Writing is part of it. I want to pass this on to you. If you write and are healing from it, drop me a line. I'd love to hear from you.
Keep the pen moving,
Jan

Why is This Important to Heal?

Wondering what this question addresses? It addresses the activity of writing. If you haven't written since high school don't stress about it. Writing for medicinal purposes has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with grammar, spelling, or whether you are a good writer or not. The only thing necessary is to write with the most accurate emotional content you can muster up. This means you cannot lie. No, I mean, you cannot lie. Even if you try to fake your emotions or to spill out an impression of yourself different from the truth, the words will come out of your pen with such distress you will not be able to stand it. That's why writing is the best medicine, besides laughing of course, because it addresses the truth. We are not built to stifle toxic emotional situations and remain well. So, here is how to start.
1. Sit with pen and paper and take a few deep breaths. The breath is a fabulous nerve calmer so make sure you use it to help your body. Your breath and your body already have a symbiotic relationship so you won't have to do anything but let the breath in and out.
2. Think of the emotional issue upsetting you and write the feelings connected to the event. For instance,
        I am so angry and my stomach is burning hot.
         I am fearful about ....... because it makes me ......
   get the picture?

3.  Include all sensory details.
4. Write who said what and include your thoughts.
5. Write how you wished the situation had unfolded.
And most importantly -
6. Write out how you can make peace with the matter. This might involve forgiveness, a face-to-face confrontation, writing a letter of apology --
Do this exercise 20 minutes a day for only 3 days.
Let me know how this worked for you. If you need further help you can check out my Unveil the Wounded Self - Write to Heal workshop here: http://abouttheauthornetwork.com/resources/therapeutic-writing-courses/unveil-the-wounded-self-write-to-heal-with-jan-marquart
I am the author of Write to Heal which can be purchased at www.JanMarquart.com
Keep the pen moving,
Jan