Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Take Ten

How many times do you put effort into making something happen but when it doesn't you try a little harder? How many times do you think, just one more effort, just ten more minutes, just a little more, just a little more effort? Sometimes a little more effort works so we think this is always the best path, right? A little more effort might work when you are trying to pull up something heavy out of the washing machine versus needling someone to do what you want them to do.

And I am not talking about finishing a college course in which you have to push to the defined end to get accomplished in something. I am speaking to something you want to happen that is probably not fully in your control that you push and push thinking you can make something happen that clearly you aren't able to bring to fruition with force, nagging, bartering, crying or the like. Stop! Take ten minutes.

Walk around the block, walk around the living room, walk around your desk. Take ten.

Rest is important. Realize this lack of success is not your failure, it is a message that you are not fully in control or isn't meant to be. I understand that letting go might feel like you have given up. What's wrong with that if you realize your efforts are being wasted and not producing the desired results? Implementing your wisdom is a good thing. Take ten. Take another ten if you have to and rethink the matter. If you hear that little voice in your head said all your efforts are not worth it, then let it go. If you can't seem to let it go forever, let it go for now. Take ten!


Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com
www.CanYouFindMyLove.com

Monday, July 9, 2018

Write Your Way to Sleep

Want a good night sleep and awake refreshed? Try this. Before you turn out the lights write out a list of situations in your life for which you are grateful and appreciative.

This writing exercise will put you in a positive and relaxed state of mind and allow your nervous system to relax. You are now in a much better state to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Focusing on problems when you climb into bed is not a good state of mind and tenses your nervous system. Remember, if you give your mind a problem, it will stay up to try and help you resolve it. That's what our mind does: it solves problems.

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.AwareLivingNow.blogspot.com
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com

Friday, July 6, 2018

Protecting All Life

In the 70s people protested against the increased use of plastic because it was being dumped into the oceans. And now we have a serious problem with plastic in our oceans.

We must remember that to save our planet there must be a higher purpose to whether we use these products or not. A few states are going to reverse the plastic bag use at the supermarket. Please do not use these bags. Please use reusable bags. Use the kind of bags you can throw in the washing machine  so if juices spill on them they can be properly cleaned.

Please be aware of what using plastic bags does to the oceans. For those of you who like to eat fish, it impacts fish. For those of you who like to swim and enjoy the water you will be swimming with plastic all around you. Just because you don't see a plastic bag float by does not mean it hasn't decomposed and its fibers are floating right next to you.

Please be aware of how we take care of our world. The products we use and toss in the garbage have to go somewhere and will have an impact on our ocean, air and water.

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.AwareLivingNow.blogspot.com
www.CanYouFindMyLove.com


Thursday, July 5, 2018

Can't Sleep?

The brain resolves problems. If you have a problem on which your thoughts are focused, your mind will be actively put to work. We can call that worry, perseverating, obsessing and other diminutive words.  But if you realize that all that unsettling is really your mind trying to resolve the problem for you, wouldn't you think differently? Your mind is doing exactly what you want it to do, fix things.

Try this. When you can't sleep because your mind will not let go of a problem, get a pen and pad and write out the problem. Then write three to five possible solutions to that problem. Don't rule out every solution because of some minor detail. Write it anyway. Then write a few sentences for each solution about how possible it is. Write out all the fears and reliefs in each solution.

Finally, choose one solution you will be willing to start the next day.

Sit quietly for five minutes knowing you are on the way to have your problem resolved. Now turn out the light and slip into sleep.

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Inner and Outer Agreement

We all know people who put up one face when they are in the presence of friends and another when they are alone or finally confiding to a trusted friend. Isn't that what suicide is about? We didn't see the signs, we weren't aware our friend needed help, we thought they were happy. Then when day we get the call that gives us the horrific news.

It is not just those suicidal who give the world the wrong message about who they are. Everyone does it? How do you do it? What are you afraid people will find out about you? How do you want to be more authentic in who you are?

These existential questions are important not just to be authentic to the world but to be authentic with yourselves. How many of you are burning with things to say or teach or reveal? What would happen if you became the person you know yourself to be? What would happen if you stood up, with shaking courage, to those you disagree with?

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.co
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Red Flags

I posted this issue once before but I want to state it again. When women make a list of red flags about men based on past relationships they are missing the true red flags. I understand the want to never find a man like the one whom you just left. I understand writing out the kind of man you want and the kind of man you don't want. I understand the dream for the 'right' partner.

But if you listed everything you thought was a red flag about someone you might miss the boat. No one is perfect. The best way to find the right man is to listen to your own inner gut reactions. How many times were you bothered in your last relationship because he demeaned you or showed up late for dates? Maybe he stood you up a few times. Maybe he wouldn't invite you to family functions because he was embarrassed. Maybe he was rude to your friend, or cheated on his wife, or neglected his children when they were crying. All those times you made excuses for him because you thought his behavior was excusable might really have been your own intimidation from speaking to him or leaving him. Those inner red flags are the ones that said, I don't want a man who does this, this isn't okay, or I don't want a man to treat me and others like this, ever. Yet, you stayed because you paid more attention to him than yourself.

This is a huge one for women. They get themselves in deeper and deeper because they shut down their voices to listen to his, because they don't see their worth and stand up for it, because they don't feel wantable. Believe in yourself before you believe them.

Blessings,

Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com

Monday, July 2, 2018

Can I Help?

These are times of increasing anger and refusal to look on those unlike us as worthy. Ram Dass wrote a book that changed my thinking. It is called, How Can I Help? and I encourage you to check it out.

Read this quote:
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis. -Thurgood Marshall, US Supreme Court Justice (2 Jul 1908-1993)

Let's de-Trump our attitude. Let's realize that we are one nation under God, indivisible, with justice for ALL.

Blessings,

Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com

Sunday, July 1, 2018

Thoughts

I once had a secretary who hated sunny days. One morning I awoke with the sun blazing into my bedroom. The blue sky and brightness of the morning filled me with cheer and I jumped out of bed eager to get out into the sunshine. We had just experienced days of rainy grey days and it was so inspiring to finally see the sun. I found my mood upbeat and hopeful for the full day ahead of me.

When I walked into my secretary's office I was dumbfounded. She had covered all the windows with Reynold's Wrap. I asked her why she covered the windows. The sun was bright and the day was glorious and why would she want to cover it all up?

She looked at me and shook her head. "I hate sunny days," she said. I asked her why? She said, "They make me feel that I have to be happy and I'm not. I can't take the pressure."

My secretary was one of the most endearing and funny women I knew. To hear this made me so sad.

Circle all the emotions in this short piece and connect these emotions to the thought that provoked them. I'm not going to do it for you because I want you to find for yourself how the connection of thoughts and emotions are inextricably linked.

Our thoughts have great power. Our beliefs have great power.

If you are suffering, change your thoughts. Chant the new thoughts until they become part of your everyday thinking. This is a sure way to keep from getting depressed.

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com

Saturday, June 30, 2018

Nature

In the beginning of The Diary of Anne Frank, she wrote how important it is to be in nature for healing. In our busy world we often overlook the fact that we live in a marvelous and beautiful world. Stare at a flower starting to break ground. Stare at a bee inside a flower. Hug a tree. Walk on wet sand where the waves are just breaking onto shore. Stare at the blue sky to watch a cloud float by. Smell flowers. Stand on the earth in bare feet and feel the soil. Watch the tree's leaves move to the wind's push.

We have pulled away from nature in harmful ways. Do your own gardening or help your gardener if you have one. If you don't own any land buy a plant and watch it over time grow into fullness. All these tips seem meaningless perhaps but they are huge. They remind us that we are part of nature too. They remind us that there is a beautiful spirit in us just as there is in nature and paying attention to that spirit is a great reminder that we live and breathe with all of life.

Perhaps you don't like being in nature but you don't mind connecting to it in another way. Read poems on nature. Here is a poem from my poetry book, Light, a Book of Poems.


I wonder

Their nests remain
in the corner of the
portale where they
built them last year.

I study the beauty of the
nest’s architecture
and wonder
if the birds this year
are the same as last
searching for their
home.

I wonder –

Are these the parents
returning or are these
their children wanting to
sleep in their first beds?

Blessings,

Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com

Friday, June 29, 2018

Mental Health

We know when our emotions are getting the best of us or our thoughts are troubling. We can feel such effects in our bodies. This is when we are at high risk to do something in the heat of the moment that is regretable. Often people don't know what to do. So let's talk about this a minute.

If you have health insurance, call your insurance company and ask them to give you the name of a few therapists near you. If you are employed, ask your employer if you have an Employee Assistance Program. These programs cost your employer and you pay nothing.

If you don't have insurance and you can't afford to pay a therapist's full fee, ask them for a sliding scale and negotiate a price. You can find therapists on PsychologyToday.com and HelpPro.com for starters. Ask your doctor if he has a recommendation. Call your county mental health. They are more likely to work with you if you don't have insurance or at least will have resources for you.

If all else fails, grab a pen and paper and begin writing out the emotions and thoughts that bother you and see if you can help yourself by processing them.

Every county in every state has mental health services. You will have to do a little searching to find out what your community has. It is worth it to get help. Maybe we can cut down on town shootings and mental health suffering.

Here are some resources I took from an article on line: https://lifehacker.com/top-10-free-and-affordable-mental-health-and-counseling-1788814933

Please get help before hurting yourself or anyone else. We are each needed on this planet. 


Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.FreeThePen.wordpress.com

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Your Feet

How is the skin on your feet? We never think about the skin on our feet until the skin gets rough around the heels, right? Rough skin is unsightly and can become painful, especially if the skin cracks and bleeds. Wearing pantyhose when the skin on your feet is rough is expensive, right? The skin pulls on the pantyhose and causes runs.

Here is another green tea remedy. I tried this and was amazed. Get a tub as in a small kitty litter type plastic item and fill it with mildly hot or warm water.  Throw in about six to eight used green tea bags. Soak your feet for about 15 minutes or until the water gets too cool for your liking.

Your skin will be softer and you'll love the skin on your feet again.

Blessings,

Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Drink Green Tea?

Do you have faux wood floors? Are they dulling? Would you like to aliven them without chemicals? Do you drink green tea? Here is a great tip:

Save your used green tea teabags. Remove the string. Place the bags in a jar or bowl and keep them in the refrigerator to prevent the tea bags from getting moldy.

The next time you wash your floors drop at least 8-10 tea bags in a bucket of warm or hot water. Squeeze them in you want. Wait a minute or so then drop your mop into the water and wash your floor.

After the floor dries you will notice that the floor looks brighter, slightly shinier, and more attractive. I tried this tip thinking it was dumb but because I drink a lot of green tea and hated throwing away so many teabags, I decided to try it.

My floors look great!

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com
www.FreethePen.wordpress.com

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

New Building Products

New building products contain neurotoxic chemicals. A new house takes 12 years to off gas formaldehyde embedded in insulation, plywood, plastics, and other products. Did you know you can buy John Mansfield insulation which has no checmials in it? Did you know that there is a company called AFM that sells products to seal in chemicals? They have a myriad of products that I've used for all my household needs. Some of their products have saved me from reactions so I could live in my home comfortably, without brain fog, headaches, dizziness, nausea, or fatigue.

Check out a product's chemical content before you have it installed in your house. Chose real wood instead of vinyl look-like-wood. Chose tile instead of carpet then buy hemp, suisal, or other natural products and spread healthy throw rugs around.

Buy mindfully so your brain and body will be happy.

Blessings,

Jan
www.JanMarquart.com

Monday, June 25, 2018

We each belong here

The other evening I went out to my deck and noticed a baby praying mantis. That is what you see on the railing in this photo. It was the size of a nickel. My photo is obviously one of a novice but you can see how frail the baby praying mantis is. I studied it for a while. It was delicate, fragile, and walked as if it had been born a minute ago. I wondered if I could have felt it if it had been walking on my hand.

I wanted to keep watching it but I could tell I had put it on alert. I didn't want it to feel threatened. I wanted it to feel safe because it too belonged here on earth and it too should feel safe on this planet.

We must change our consciousness about respecting and honoring all forms of life on this planet. There is so much destruction of nature. There is so much use of pesticides that kill important insects and other forms of life. Climate change is destructive and we might never get back the beauty it is taking from us.

Our oceans are filled with millions of pounds of plastic and other forms of garbage killing fish and ruining our environment. Coral reefs in Hawaii are being destroyed due to the use of suntan lotions full of chemicals and yes, coral is an alive sea life.

Every alive being on this planet is here for a reason, a purpose, and it is time we started to pay attention. Write your congressman if something in your environment is being harmed or destroyed. Write to companies who think money and power rule. The people count - each voice counts. We each belong here.

Blessings,

Jan

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Read or Not to Read

In the last 25 years, I have been reading labels on everything I buy at the grocery store. As a result, I have found myself avoiding products I used to buy. I was stunned at how much sugar content everyday products contained such as tomato sauce, bread, canned goods.

Sugar is addictive. I'm sure you already know that. Did you know sugar has been known to contribute to brain diseases and disorders such as Alzheimer's?

I was also surprised at how many chemicals were in our food, chemical names I couldn't pronounce let alone know what they were.

When you shop, give yourself some time to read labels. Choose the items that have the few ingredients, ingredients you know, little to no sugar.

Stay healthy now so you stay healthy as you age.

Blessings,
Jan

www.JanMarquart.com

Saturday, June 23, 2018

Staying Healthy

Staying healthy is more than seeing your doctor once a year for a check-up. Today many diseases are treated with medications. Those medications came on the market because of years of research, planning, finances and more. But there is something else that treats disease. That is, good healthy, nonGMO foods and chemical-free cleaning products such as Meyers, Seventh Generation, BioKleen, just to name a few. Health food stores are full of healthier products. Treatments such as acupuncture, homeopathy, and other alternative methods are getting people well without harsh treatments.

These products also help keep our water systems and household air safer.

Co-Op America has a directory of companies selling healthy products. The directory is about $10 and is invaluable. When I got sick from environmental illness due to an over-exposure to toxic mold I relied on that directory because I had nowhere to turn even though I was part of the movement in the 70s to use natural and chemical-free products. I had to wear organic clothing because clothing is filled with toxic chemicals. Sheets, towels, rugs, furniture, mattresses each contain chemicals.

Changing your products and lifestyle to healthier means does not have to happen all at once, like it did for me. Take your time, but do it! Your body will appreciate it. Chemicals cause neuro-damage and brain damage. Do some research. Don't be complacent believing that if a product is on the shelf it is safe.

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com

Friday, June 22, 2018

Emotions are Contagious

Have you ever played ha-ha? You know the game kids play where one kid lays on another's stomach until there is a zigzag line of kids on the floor. Then the first kid says ha and the second ha ha and before a minute is up everyone is laughing. Why is that?

Emotions are contagious. When around people who are depressed give them a smile or cheerful comment. This isn't just to help them. It isn't just because the power of a kind emotional word is contagious and somehow a seed will be planted for a new inner experience, it is because helping others in the right state of mind also helps our own inner world. When we allow ourselves to get pulled into negativity or depression or any other emotion, even fear and anxiety, we have lost our own inner security.

Remember: emotions are contagious. Take control of what you want to feel today.

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Inner Knowing

Everyone has an inner knowing of who they are and what they want to do. Sometimes this inner knowing is often beaten out of us at a young age by parents or other authorities who think our inner knowing and ideas aren't real, are stupid and irresponsible. No achievement has ever come about by someone without an inner knowing.

Did you know that the Singer sewing machine came into manifestation as a thought first, an inspiration first, just like anything else we enjoy. Singer couldn't get the needle working correctly and had a dream that a tribe of people threw spears with a hole at the end. He awoke realizing that the needle needed the hole at the tip and not the middle. He honored something as simple as a message in his dream and produced a working sewing machine.

So, I encourage you to get in touch with the part of you that knows your passion, that wants to seek an interest no matter how insignificant it seems, and set your intention to do one thing daily to awaken that inner wisdom.

Addictions, criminal behavior, and other aberrant behaviors separated from that inner knowing that would have, could have, should have, led individuals to higher grounds.

Make a list of your interests, no matter how small. Perhaps you like making biscuits, or rope, or maneuvering numbers. This is how people start out with their own businesses or other success stories.

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Using Your Voice

How many times do you find yourself yelling at the news on TV? Perhaps you are upset with what a politician is saying. 

For much of what takes place in the world, we have little power but even a little can matter. If everyone put their little bit of power into a pot the pot would be spilling over with power.

If you are passionately moved by something, positive or negative, sit and write out your thoughts to the person who is inspiring you to feel either way. Make your voice heard clearly, intelligently, eloquently, and powerfully. Then find the appropriate address, place a stamp on the envelope and mail it.

Emails can be quick but the power of a written letter far exceeds the email waiting in line in an inbox. It will feel great to honor your voice and perspective on the kinds of information that comes to you through watever means.

Find your voice, let it speak, feel part of your community and world, and stop silently or otherwise screaming at the state of affairs. Do something! Write!

Blessings,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com

Monday, June 11, 2018

Overcoming

Every day we overcome something. What have you overcome today? Pay attention to the smallest things. Perhaps you had to wait longer at the store, let someone get in front of you on the road while you were in a hurry.

We overcome small and large incidents. We are always being challenged on patience, virtue, decisions, speaking up and more. Keep track of the overcomings you succeed at everyday. It might just boost your confidence.

Blessings,

Jan

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Red Flags

If we knew all the external red flags to avoid certain people, situations, and decisions, we could certainly create a life free of most obstacles. Retrospect can be valuable but if we think the red flags to avoid problems are all outside us we are missing the biggest red flag.

Internally, we have red flags all the time but we dismiss them thinking we are foolish, wrong, making a big deal out of nothing, dwelling, and demean the most important red flags of all.

Some red flags we cannot avoid, if we didn't make mistakes in life we wouldn't learn. No one is born knowing how life works and knowing all the right decisions to make. It is not possible. But it is possible to stay aware of the voice within and to act on it with dignity and integrity with no apologies. We must listen within. If we are raised believing we don't have a correct point of view or we should not speak, then we will miss our internal red flags because we will not listen.

One way to raise awareness of our internal red flags is to keep a daily journal and write about the red flags you might be feeling in your gut. Your gut and your brain contain the same matter. Our full bodies hold wisdom. Listen. Write out your point of view and how standing up for that internal red flag and message will work for you. Write about your fear of not pleasing others and what you will do if they get upset with you. Keep going deeper. There are many levels to the process of not listening to our own wisdom.

Blessings,

Jan
JanMarquart.com

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Stomach Healing

Words have power, not only with how others take them but with how our body absorbs them. This experience might be subtle for many people, but for others the inner experience is clear. Our words matter. And our words matter because our thoughts, out of which they come, matter. What we think resonantes through every cell in our bodies. I have met people who healed themselves by filling their bodies for hours a day with positive words, chanted mentally or verbally.

I met a woman who read words of wisdom she extracted from novels every morning and night for hours. Her cancer went in remission and it has been 20 years and she has not had a regrowth of cancer cells. For instance, words of self-judgment and criticism usually cause some sort of stomach problems. To keep your stomach healthy, watch the self-talk going through your mind.

Many people I met in the last few years have disclosed Bible verses that brought good health when they were sick. This is powerful and when I encountered a health issue it worked for me as well.

Words matter. Watch your thoughts. Write affirmations that instill a feeling of light and wellness. Make a vision board of pictures that make you feel hopeful, powerful, well, and optimistic.

Blessings,
Jan
www. JanMarquart.com


Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Coming Back to One

The world today is busy, demanding, pushing us to keep all the balls in the air at once for fear that if something falls we will fail modern life. More people than ever are on anti-depressants and anxiolytics. People say they don't have time for a time-out until they push so hard their body relents and they get sick. Then everything stops dead in its track.

Resting and taking time to restore our spirits is seen as being lazy or non-caring. Without time to restore we are pushing ourselves into a physical, emotional, and spiritual deficit. In each day we need time to rest. Many people don't take their required breaks or lunch breaks at the office. Working harder by not taking breaks is hard on the brain and body.

Restore yourself, take your breaks, remove yourself from co-workers and sit someplace and feel still. Concentrate on a mantra, eat a piece of cool fruit allowing yourself to taste and enjoy what you are eating. Slow down your breath.

If you fill your days off with errands you are doing the same thing you do at work. I understand that when we aren't working we are working on keeping our personal lives afloat but a day is a day no matter what we do and it is important that in each day we take at least 15 minutes to reflect, stop the doing, sit in peace, journal write, sit under a tree and feel the energy of nature. This might sound silly but these moments are rich with peace, calm, serenity, coming back to one, the one being your inner spirit.

Try it for one week, one day. Sit under a tree, eat an orange focusing on the scent and sweet taste, journal write, write a poem, read a book, slow your breath, and realize that the business of life will always be there. As soon as you finish one chore another will be waiting. Keep your balance through it all by honoring your need for restoration and go enjoy your moments.

Blessings,

Jan

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Thinking You Know

Years ago I went on a trip to Hawaii by myself to write and meet new people. Along the way I noticed quite a few couples over 70 who gave off the impression they had been together for a long time. I went up to each couple and asked them if they would answer a few questions. I wanted to know how long there were married, what kept them together, and how they felt about each over having spent so many years together.

Across the board, they stated almost the same things. They said it was critical to say thank you and I'm sorry when appropriate and that even those small polite statements helped to glue them back together when conflicts arose.

They said it was always important to go to bed having cleared up matters for the day. Even with children and when things were overwhelming, they made sure to kiss or hug before climbing into bed. Sometimes they said they resolved to discuss or finish a matter at a certain date, such as, on Friday night at 8 or Saturday at 12. That helped them put a matter to rest so they didn't carry it around and fume over it.

One couple insisted that it was imperative to the health of a marriage to have at least one hobby or activity the couple could do together, be it golf, bowling, drawing, boating, etc.

The one thing that each stated emphatically, and I interviewed maybe 8 couples, was that they made sure to never assume what their partner was feeling, wanted, or needed. The couples insisted that thinking you knew the mind and feelings of the other caused more problems because it made the other person feel ignored and unimportant.



Jan

Monday, May 21, 2018

Air Fresheners?

It seems wherever I go these days whether it be offices, homes, cars, or stores, the air smells sweet and full of perfume. If you are one of the people who thinks you are 'freshening' your air with these products, think again. These products contain formaldehyde, petroleum distillate, dichlorobenzene and aerosol propellants. There are twenty volatile organic compounds in these products and according to federal laws at least one-third of these chemicals are labeled toxic.  

Keep in mind that toxic chemicals are carcinogens meaning they cause cancer. It is not surprising to me through my research why so many people are suffering from cancer. Formaldahyde is a neurotoxin. If you look at that chemical alone it has a dangerous effect on the brain. If you feel brain fog, dizzy, nauseous or other feelings don't rush to the doctor until you clear your breathing environment of these so called air 'fresheners' because they really are air toxicities.

Please check out the ingredients on these products. The word perfume alone includes 400 to 800 chemicals. A huge proportion of these cause cancer. 

If you are a pregnant woman, you pass these chemicals on to your infant child through the placenta. It is time we awaken to what companies are putting in our air and getting rich making us sick.

Be healthy,
Jan

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Tips for Parents

Teenage years are full of tumultuous thoughts, feelings, and crazy decision-making for both teens and their parents. Both parents and teens agree to this. So here are some tips to keep connected, know what your teens are up to and let them know that you are there even through these rough years.

1. Eat dinner together every night. Talk about life and ask them what they thought about their day? Avoid yes and no answer questions because they won't volunteer information without your proding. Don't be upset by the response, "Whatever!", just keep asking in a gentle caring way.

2. Know their friends. If they are going out and you have no idea with whom, have them bring their friends to the house so you can meet them. Make sure to get the friend's phone numbers in case you ever need them. Don't let the excuse that your kid's friends don't have parents who invade their privacy. You are not invading their privacy. Your goal is to keep your teen safe and know when they need your help.

3. Meet their friend's parents even if the meeting is a brief phone conversation.

4. Review their phones and computers once a week.

You can rest assured that your teen won't like these tips but lean in anyway. Your teen will secretly be glad you care enough to make sure they are safe and not getting into trouble and you will sleep better knowing that you have information you need to not worry so much.

Jan

Friday, May 18, 2018

Emotions

I'd like to say something about emotions today. Emotions are directly related to thoughts and experiences. They are not free-floating inner events that have no context. I often hear people report that they don't know why they are feeling the way they are. Let me say that our bodies, brains, nervous systems do not function without a context.

This is important to realize because our emotions are always in motion, thus the word (e)motion. Our emotions are our messengers. They tell us that we liked an experience or not. Often because an emotion doesn't feel good we think that there is something wrong with us for feeling bad. Maybe someone dimished your emotional upset by denying you or demeaning your pain. Then you think there is something wrong with you for feeling the way you do. Part of that statement is true. Something is wrong or shouldn't be happening. It does not mean that you are wrong, but that something is happening and that something is unwanted, hurts, is upsetting. When you learn to demean yourself over time your own thinking and developed belief systems begin to cause emotional reactions without your awareness. It is like learning how to tie your shoes. You don't stop to think which lace crosses the other. You just tie your shoes.

Our inner experience is always honest. It is not possible to have an experience that hurt you and for you to feel happy. It is not possible to have a loss and feel as if you had a gain. The loss will register as one emotion and the gain will register as another. Our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are always in sync. That is how our bodies are designed. It is a perfect system. Do you ever question your experience when you feel good? Do you ever wonder, now I had fun so why did I feel good? Think about this. Many people are on psychotropic drugs simply because they want to stop feeling bad without understanding or gaining wisdom from why they are feeling bad.

If you want to deny facing the truth of your life, you are more likely to want drugs of any kind to numb the pain of the emotions your body is designed to let you know about so you can heal or change by making a different decision. Psychotropic drugs numb. Psychotropic drugs do not heal.

If you are anxious, your emotion is telling you that you are fearful of something. If you are depressed, your emotion is telling you that you believe yourself to be powerless, helpless, and that will pull down your emotions and might allow you to feel immobilized.

Listen to your emotions. They are telling you something about how you experience a situation or incidednt in your life. Just a note, there is a distinct difference between depression and grief. Depression relates more to anger and grief relates to sadness and loss. Often, because both emotions make us feel heavy and as if we are being pulled down, it can be confusing which emotion we ae actually feeling.

Write  your emotional content each day and what events were connected to it. Get to know how you and your emotions work.
Jan

Thursday, May 17, 2018

The Brain

I have been studying the brain for decades. It is the one part of the body that interests me with great passion. Scientists and doctors are still realizing the power of the brain and how we use so little of it.

For decades, I've heard about the power of manifesting. It wasn't a concept I truly understood nor did I believe in it. Without action, I could not understand how manifesting worked.

But in the process of studying the brain, I have come across this information and I want to pass it on to you. Your third eye and pineal gland are in a direct horizontal line from each other. So, if you put your finger on your third eye which is the spot between your eyebrows and you were to follow that line to the back of your head, under the cortex areas, there is a small pea-sized part of the brain called the pineal gland. This is the part of the brain that calls into reality dreams and visions. If you picture what you want in that small part of the brain, studies reveal that there is power in manifesting what you want. The third eye is connected to spirit. Imagine the two areas, the third eye and the pineal gland, joining in creating the reality of your desire.

Gurus have been meditating on this for a long time. I do not remember the name of the guru who focused on manifesting a Rolls Royce by placinf one inside the peneal gland. Eventually he manifested 99 cars without paying for one.

Know that your brain is powerful. It works in collaboration with all of who you are. Pay attention to what you desire, how you use your words, and how you think about yourself and others. Your brain will listen to you and create situations that bring everything you say, think, and do into manifestation.

Jan

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Staying Connected

With hundreds, maybe thousands, of friends on FaceBook people appear to be lonelier than ever. With social media an active part of daily life, where photos of lunches, shoes, new dresses, and trips are posted by the second, people are feeling more disconnected than ever. There is a good reason for this.

When we are busy on devices, we sacrifice people time for device time. The result cannot be anything but the feeling of being disconnected. Mostly because -- we are!

If you want to feel connected, turn off the devices when you are in front of a real live human being. Pay attention to the conversation you are having. Give the person in front of you eye contact, laughter, touches, nods of understanding.

After all, if you feel disconnected, it isn't the device you feel disconnected from, it is the people who care and love you, people of interest, new people that might come into your space, and best of all, your children who need to know with full attention, that they matter.

Jan
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Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Just Saying . . .

The other day a man told me he was about to get a divorce. The sadness in his eyes cut through me. I felt his pain. I saw the inner destruction this man was experiencing. It was quite distressing to watch someone in the midst of his pain. He had given up all friends who weren't married because as part of a couple, they wanted couple friends. Like likes like, right? He stated feeling alone, had no one to call in the middle of the night, asked what was he going to do now? One by one, his friends were informing him that they were getting divorced too. He looked like a broken man. His world all around was collapsing.

Recently, another man about to get a divorce also mentioned that in every group of friends he had divorce was ravaging marriages like a disease, "except one," he stated with curiosity. "This one group in which no one talks about marital problems let alone divorce is a group that goes to church. Hmmmm," he commented. "Do you think religion has something to do with it? Do you think it has something to do with guilt?"

"No," I said. "When people have a strong spiritual belief in common it is the glue that holds them together."

"Hmmmmm," he said again.

Ever heard the saying: Couples who pray together stay together? Love, commitment, devotion, these are soul endeavors.

Just saying . . .




Monday, May 14, 2018

Comparing Yourself to Others

One of the things I find a complete waste of time is comparing myself to others. Think about the emotional poison envy or jealousy puts inside you.

When I was a young girl I had someone I loved resent me because she was jealous about me in some way. She turned sour towards me but most of all she had changed to a person I couldn't even like in that moment. I still loved her but I didn't like who she turned into when she was jealous.

I decided at twelve that I would always be happy for others so I wouldn't turn sour and change who I wanted myself to be. I'm sure you have made your own pacts about how you wanted to grow as a  person.

For those of you who allow yourself to be jealous of others I want you to know that jealousy poisons our bodies with energy that can make us sick. I'm sure you feel sick when you feel jealous. If you don't think so, the next time you feel jealous, focus on your stomach. I bet anything you feel sick to your stomach.

Here is a tip: be glad for people when they have what you don't have or want you want to have. It is okay. You can probably have that too if you work for it. Even if it is something you can't work for, be glad for people. Your goodness doesn't change just because someone has something you don't.

Bless others. It is a sure way you will be blessed too.

Jan

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Cell Phones

Cell phones are in the hands of people everywhere, right now, whether they are crossing the street, pushing their carts in grocery stores, driving, wheeling baby carriages, eating in restaurants, and so more.

In the last couple of years cell phone issues have been brought up in therapy sessions as much as or more often than in-law problems, job issues, or stress. It is astounding how often I am faced with the dilemma of relationships disconnected because of the addictive use of a cell phone by a loved one.

Cell phone addictions are becoming a common problem. Designers of cell phones make sure they increase the likelihood that consumers will pick up their phones for everything making this a major factor in addiction issues. Have consumers truly lost their ability to use critical judgment over devices running their lives?

Now let's talk about health. Have often have you cleaned your cell phone. Do you know that cell phones carry all types of bacteria? Men who carry cell phones in the pocket of their pants are increasing their risk for prostate cancer. Women are raising their risk of breast cancer and memory issues are starting to be linked to cell phone use as well.

The rate of pedestrians being hit by cars as they cross the street has significantly increased and one factor for this is that people talk on the phone while crossing the street and fail to pay attention to cars turning over the crosswalk.

Women who are on their cell phones while walking to their cars with packages are more likely to have their purse ripped from their hands or in many cases pulled into cars and assaulted because they are not alert and paying attention.

I know I am not winning any friends by suggesting that cell phone users put their phones down, or don't use them at certain times, but please, pay attention to what is happening with the prevalent use, overuse, and abuse of these seemingly handy devices.

Be safe,

Jan