Sunday, May 20, 2018

Tips for Parents

Teenage years are full of tumultuous thoughts, feelings, and crazy decision-making for both teens and their parents. Both parents and teens agree to this. So here are some tips to keep connected, know what your teens are up to and let them know that you are there even through these rough years.

1. Eat dinner together every night. Talk about life and ask them what they thought about their day? Avoid yes and no answer questions because they won't volunteer information without your proding. Don't be upset by the response, "Whatever!", just keep asking in a gentle caring way.

2. Know their friends. If they are going out and you have no idea with whom, have them bring their friends to the house so you can meet them. Make sure to get the friend's phone numbers in case you ever need them. Don't let the excuse that your kid's friends don't have parents who invade their privacy. You are not invading their privacy. Your goal is to keep your teen safe and know when they need your help.

3. Meet their friend's parents even if the meeting is a brief phone conversation.

4. Review their phones and computers once a week.

You can rest assured that your teen won't like these tips but lean in anyway. Your teen will secretly be glad you care enough to make sure they are safe and not getting into trouble and you will sleep better knowing that you have information you need to not worry so much.

Jan

Friday, May 18, 2018

Emotions

I'd like to say something about emotions today. Emotions are directly related to thoughts and experiences. They are not free-floating inner events that have no context. I often hear people report that they don't know why they are feeling the way they are. Let me say that our bodies, brains, nervous systems do not function without a context.

This is important to realize because our emotions are always in motion, thus the word (e)motion. Our emotions are our messengers. They tell us that we liked an experience or not. Often because an emotion doesn't feel good we think that there is something wrong with us for feeling bad. Maybe someone dimished your emotional upset by denying you or demeaning your pain. Then you think there is something wrong with you for feeling the way you do. Part of that statement is true. Something is wrong or shouldn't be happening. It does not mean that you are wrong, but that something is happening and that something is unwanted, hurts, is upsetting. When you learn to demean yourself over time your own thinking and developed belief systems begin to cause emotional reactions without your awareness. It is like learning how to tie your shoes. You don't stop to think which lace crosses the other. You just tie your shoes.

Our inner experience is always honest. It is not possible to have an experience that hurt you and for you to feel happy. It is not possible to have a loss and feel as if you had a gain. The loss will register as one emotion and the gain will register as another. Our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are always in sync. That is how our bodies are designed. It is a perfect system. Do you ever question your experience when you feel good? Do you ever wonder, now I had fun so why did I feel good? Think about this. Many people are on psychotropic drugs simply because they want to stop feeling bad without understanding or gaining wisdom from why they are feeling bad.

If you want to deny facing the truth of your life, you are more likely to want drugs of any kind to numb the pain of the emotions your body is designed to let you know about so you can heal or change by making a different decision. Psychotropic drugs numb. Psychotropic drugs do not heal.

If you are anxious, your emotion is telling you that you are fearful of something. If you are depressed, your emotion is telling you that you believe yourself to be powerless, helpless, and that will pull down your emotions and might allow you to feel immobilized.

Listen to your emotions. They are telling you something about how you experience a situation or incidednt in your life. Just a note, there is a distinct difference between depression and grief. Depression relates more to anger and grief relates to sadness and loss. Often, because both emotions make us feel heavy and as if we are being pulled down, it can be confusing which emotion we ae actually feeling.

Write  your emotional content each day and what events were connected to it. Get to know how you and your emotions work.
Jan

Thursday, May 17, 2018

The Brain

I have been studying the brain for decades. It is the one part of the body that interests me with great passion. Scientists and doctors are still realizing the power of the brain and how we use so little of it.

For decades, I've heard about the power of manifesting. It wasn't a concept I truly understood nor did I believe in it. Without action, I could not understand how manifesting worked.

But in the process of studying the brain, I have come across this information and I want to pass it on to you. Your third eye and pineal gland are in a direct horizontal line from each other. So, if you put your finger on your third eye which is the spot between your eyebrows and you were to follow that line to the back of your head, under the cortex areas, there is a small pea-sized part of the brain called the pineal gland. This is the part of the brain that calls into reality dreams and visions. If you picture what you want in that small part of the brain, studies reveal that there is power in manifesting what you want. The third eye is connected to spirit. Imagine the two areas, the third eye and the pineal gland, joining in creating the reality of your desire.

Gurus have been meditating on this for a long time. I do not remember the name of the guru who focused on manifesting a Rolls Royce by placinf one inside the peneal gland. Eventually he manifested 99 cars without paying for one.

Know that your brain is powerful. It works in collaboration with all of who you are. Pay attention to what you desire, how you use your words, and how you think about yourself and others. Your brain will listen to you and create situations that bring everything you say, think, and do into manifestation.

Jan

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Staying Connected

With hundreds, maybe thousands, of friends on FaceBook people appear to be lonelier than ever. With social media an active part of daily life, where photos of lunches, shoes, new dresses, and trips are posted by the second, people are feeling more disconnected than ever. There is a good reason for this.

When we are busy on devices, we sacrifice people time for device time. The result cannot be anything but the feeling of being disconnected. Mostly because -- we are!

If you want to feel connected, turn off the devices when you are in front of a real live human being. Pay attention to the conversation you are having. Give the person in front of you eye contact, laughter, touches, nods of understanding.

After all, if you feel disconnected, it isn't the device you feel disconnected from, it is the people who care and love you, people of interest, new people that might come into your space, and best of all, your children who need to know with full attention, that they matter.

Jan
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Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Just Saying . . .

The other day a man told me he was about to get a divorce. The sadness in his eyes cut through me. I felt his pain. I saw the inner destruction this man was experiencing. It was quite distressing to watch someone in the midst of his pain. He had given up all friends who weren't married because as part of a couple, they wanted couple friends. Like likes like, right? He stated feeling alone, had no one to call in the middle of the night, asked what was he going to do now? One by one, his friends were informing him that they were getting divorced too. He looked like a broken man. His world all around was collapsing.

Recently, another man about to get a divorce also mentioned that in every group of friends he had divorce was ravaging marriages like a disease, "except one," he stated with curiosity. "This one group in which no one talks about marital problems let alone divorce is a group that goes to church. Hmmmm," he commented. "Do you think religion has something to do with it? Do you think it has something to do with guilt?"

"No," I said. "When people have a strong spiritual belief in common it is the glue that holds them together."

"Hmmmmm," he said again.

Ever heard the saying: Couples who pray together stay together? Love, commitment, devotion, these are soul endeavors.

Just saying . . .




Monday, May 14, 2018

Comparing Yourself to Others

One of the things I find a complete waste of time is comparing myself to others. Think about the emotional poison envy or jealousy puts inside you.

When I was a young girl I had someone I loved resent me because she was jealous about me in some way. She turned sour towards me but most of all she had changed to a person I couldn't even like in that moment. I still loved her but I didn't like who she turned into when she was jealous.

I decided at twelve that I would always be happy for others so I wouldn't turn sour and change who I wanted myself to be. I'm sure you have made your own pacts about how you wanted to grow as a  person.

For those of you who allow yourself to be jealous of others I want you to know that jealousy poisons our bodies with energy that can make us sick. I'm sure you feel sick when you feel jealous. If you don't think so, the next time you feel jealous, focus on your stomach. I bet anything you feel sick to your stomach.

Here is a tip: be glad for people when they have what you don't have or want you want to have. It is okay. You can probably have that too if you work for it. Even if it is something you can't work for, be glad for people. Your goodness doesn't change just because someone has something you don't.

Bless others. It is a sure way you will be blessed too.

Jan

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Cell Phones

Cell phones are in the hands of people everywhere, right now, whether they are crossing the street, pushing their carts in grocery stores, driving, wheeling baby carriages, eating in restaurants, and so more.

In the last couple of years cell phone issues have been brought up in therapy sessions as much as or more often than in-law problems, job issues, or stress. It is astounding how often I am faced with the dilemma of relationships disconnected because of the addictive use of a cell phone by a loved one.

Cell phone addictions are becoming a common problem. Designers of cell phones make sure they increase the likelihood that consumers will pick up their phones for everything making this a major factor in addiction issues. Have consumers truly lost their ability to use critical judgment over devices running their lives?

Now let's talk about health. Have often have you cleaned your cell phone. Do you know that cell phones carry all types of bacteria? Men who carry cell phones in the pocket of their pants are increasing their risk for prostate cancer. Women are raising their risk of breast cancer and memory issues are starting to be linked to cell phone use as well.

The rate of pedestrians being hit by cars as they cross the street has significantly increased and one factor for this is that people talk on the phone while crossing the street and fail to pay attention to cars turning over the crosswalk.

Women who are on their cell phones while walking to their cars with packages are more likely to have their purse ripped from their hands or in many cases pulled into cars and assaulted because they are not alert and paying attention.

I know I am not winning any friends by suggesting that cell phone users put their phones down, or don't use them at certain times, but please, pay attention to what is happening with the prevalent use, overuse, and abuse of these seemingly handy devices.

Be safe,

Jan